Monday, April 2, 2012

The Mountain Messenger | New federal banking program: up valuing your debt

The Mountain Messenger | New federal banking program: up valuing your debt


By: Nuke Bernstein, The Mountain Messenger

WASHINGTON, D.C. April 1, 2012 - "Upvalue" is government speak for the new financial regulations imposed on every American who owes more than the week's paper delivery bill. Attached as a silent rider to the latest unemployment assistance extension, the measure gives banks the ability to reassess your debt - upward.

The idea came from the housing market meltdown that left millions of citizens owing more than their properties were worth. Seeing that as a profit generator rather than a catastrophe, banking lobbyists convinced legislators in the nation's capitol to give them the power to upvalue your debt load.

It will work this way: You took out a loan for $350,000 to buy a house. Those dollars - that you owe - are now worth a whole lot less than they were when you signed the papers. So, your debt can now, legally, be upvalued to $500,000. On a house now worth $100,000.

The real lenders in American society, credit card providers, are following suit, calling it a "currency readjustment." Some financial analysts have said that the common household credit card debt will grow to a size that cannot be paid off in a single lifetime. Not to worry. The legislation now proclaims that debt can be rolled over...to your offspring.

Student loans, which typically leave college graduates with a $200,000 debt, will now grow automatically to about a half million dollars. A provision in the bill that would mandate jail time for anyone more than a million dollars in debt was eliminated, to be added later to the annual Farm Bill.

"Without a strong banking system, America will become a Fourth World Country," former presidential candidate Coot Bringrich told attendees at a recent world banking conference, which he was paid $4 million to address.

Meanwhile, enterprising American businessmen are rapidly selling as affordable housing the large cardboard shipping boxes that once held refrigerators, on a cash-only basis. Alcohol sales continue to climb.

Editor's note: The Mountain Messenger, California's oldest weekly newspaper since 1853, is published on Thursdays from Downieville, California.

The Mountain Messenger can be purchased for half a buck at the National Hotel (sidewalk), Nevada City Post Office (sidewalk), Nevada City SPD (outside) and Nevada City Express Mart (outside.)

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